Snakes On A Plane

Not really…snakes in my attic. That’s right. No joke. I swear. I. KNOW.

Shane got up in the attic Thursday afternoon to put a suitcase away and there was a nice little snake coiled up on the tailgate chairs that lie right inside the attic. Shane freaked, as would I, jumped down, slammed the attic door closed and got in his car and left. Ha Ha! He then called me:

Stacy: Hello?
Shane: Hey babe.
Stacy: Hey.
Shane: How is your day?
Stacy: Pretty good…I’d give it a 7.
Shane: Oh, good.
Stacy: How is your day going so far?
Shane: Well, mine is probably going to be a 2 before it’s done.
Stacy: Why’s that?
Shane: Well, because we have a snake in the attic.
Stacy: WHAT?!?!? Are you freaking kidding me? Oh my god….where at? How did you find it?
(He then tells the story)
Stacy: Oh my god…we’re selling the house. I mean, what are we going to do???
Shane: Well, I found a company that will come out and get it.
Stacy: Have you called them yet? You need to hang up right now with me and call them…
Shane: Okay.

He hangs up and calls Tru-Tech (in case anyone else experiences this horrible, horrible nightmare) and they send out a tech to remove the snake. In the meantime, back at work, I’m completely distracted, can barely even remember what I’m working on, and start to google…dun dun dun. I found this, this and this.

Really, really long story short – the guy, who is super smart and VERY sweet, gets in the attic and doesn’t find anything. When I say doesn’t find anything – I mean doesn’t actually find the snake that Shane saw sitting in there hours before that, BUT he does find evidence of ‘several’ other snakes inhabiting the attic as well as evidence of ‘rodents.’ Basically, he suspected that the snake was a rat snake…a snake that eats rats…he would have no other business in my attic other than to…well, eat rats. I have never, ever, ever, ever seen ANY evidence of a rat in my house. We have chipmunks, sure, but Chip and Dale do not carry the stigma or general flesh-eating and plague-causing diseases that rats carry, so they’re cool.

But this is our fault. When we had the house inspected a year ago, our inspector told us that there was a hole in the side of the house that allowed access to the attic. Apparently some power hookups had been moved and the holes had never been fixed. Well, I’m not going to spend money to fix holes when I need granite countertops! Duh.
Justin, the snake handler, sets some traps and tells us not to worry and that he’ll be back the next day. Right. I slept maybe 2 hours that night…I can swear at one point there was a snake dangling from the ceiling, coiled in my hair, hiding at the foot of my bed and laying across my face. I. Swear.

Well, when Justin comes back the next day to check the traps…nothing. As he is climbing out of the attic, he rests his hand on one of the tailgate chairs and feels the snake in the bag. He yells for me to get a bucket or a trash bag – but what do I do? I run around my kitchen like I had never been there before. I was looking for a bucket, knowing that I don’t have one, and then I couldn’t remember where I kept my trash bags. In times of stress, I always stay in control. Finally, I pull myself together and get him a bag. With that said, I’d like to formally introduce Sammy the Snake! He lives (lived) in the attic at Honeysuckle Drive, loves warm places and ratty snacks, originally hails from a nearby field but decided to pursue other options when he heard about the gaping hole in the side of local home where he could live a life of carefree whimsy and eat without even having to hunt.

Note: Sammy has been relocated back to his field. None of his friends have been found but we will never give up our search…or our hope.